Just a Few Kind Words Can Make a Big Difference

I was working and watching TV at the same time as I sometimes do when I’m not in a hurry.  I like to laugh watching comedy shows like Friends, Seinfeld, Modern Family or serious shows like Law and Order and NCIS.  It’s nice to have the TV on just to glance up at once in a while and take a break.  Recently, I’ve realized the ads are the same no matter what shows you watch. Lately, I see ads that for some reason make fun of moms calling at very inappropriate times and doing silly noisy chores when their children are either sleeping, studying or busy in one way or the other.

I am a mother of two grown sons and we talk everyday.  I guess I don’t always know if they are busy when I call them just like they don’t know if I am busy when they call me. I expect them to tell me if they cannot talk. I hope they don’t feel I annoy them or bother them calling at inappropriate times. Watching these mom bashing ads didn’t help. I admit they were funny in the beginning, but then I started wondering if I am really annoying like the mothers in the ads.

Today, I decided, instead of calling my sons, I would text them to find out if it was a good time for them to talk.  Texts are easy in many ways. You don’t have to respond instantly and you don’t have to make the caller feel like you rejected their call. I sheepishly sent a text feeling a little bad about possibly being the mom on the ads inquiring if it was a good time, and just happened to mention that the ads had made me a little hesitant.

A few minutes later I received this beautiful message back from my son: “A busy time can be considered a bad time to talk to your mom because you want to give her more attention than you can at the moment, and that makes you feel bad.”  I was in awe! Wow! What a thoughtful message. I could not have felt better if he had time and could talk to me. I felt very loved and appreciated. I felt like a mom who has two wonderful sons who don’t think I’m annoying.

It’s fun to be a mom no matter how old and busy your children are!!


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Clear communication to save the day and relationships!!

It is so important to say what you mean and say it clearly so there is no confusion or chance for misinterpretation.  It is also very important to double-check when listening to someone to make sure you heard what you think you heard.

Many miscommunications and problems happen because we think we heard something which was never said, or we’re very sure we said something and the other person either did not hear

it or heard it completely differently than what we intended to say.

I know the importance of perception checking and I try to practice it as much as possible. I plan to make better communication an important part of my everyday lifestyle this year.  

I realize that sometimes it isn’t possible to have good communication with some people because they assume things before they even hear them and that is all they want to go by whether you said it or not.  Even when you try to be as nice and as clear as possible, your efforts are disregarded. They just want to fight. In those cases I am learning to just give them space to figure it out for themselves and remind myself that it is Not My Chaos. I can only do my job and try to do it well. Some relationships are not worth fighting for. It is okay to walk away from some relationships, at least temporarily.

If I can, I try to clarify any misunderstanding as soon as possible.   If my communication was not clear and was misunderstood, I try to look from the other person’s point of view and see how I could have been heard or perceived incorrectly.  I have no problem apologizing for being wrong or being unclear.

In this New Year, I am committed to enjoy new and existing relationships in business and in personal life and maintaining those relationships through mutual respect and clear communication.  If I need to end some relationships, I need to communicate that clearly as well.

Year 2015 has been great and exciting on many accounts! Looking forward to an even more wonderful and prosperous 2016!

Love and light to all!

Veera

*****

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Happy New Year to All!

New Year’s Day is like the present we wait to open with a lot of excitement for wonderful things that we hope to come our way.  We hope for fulfillment of new goals and happiness. The most important part in this new gift/present is that it is not predestined as to the content of the box the present comes in. It is the culmination of what happened in the years before and the intensions and effort of what goes into it from this day forward. You can make this

wonderful gift of hope into whatever you want to make of it! How you receive this gift is a very important part of what it brings to you!

I am sure everyone is preparing and planning how to celebrate the coming of the New Year.  Do you have parties planned? Do you have your New Year’s resolutions and goals lined up? Do you know whom you’re going to be with and where you will be when the clock strikes midnight and the calendar shows January 1^st, 2016?

We look forward to the New Year because it reminds us of all that we have accomplished.  We look forward to doing better and finishing what we did not the year before.

The New Year is about the future and we always hope the future to be better and more progressive.

At Malibu Chronicle we are looking forward to how our publication will grow in the New Year and go beyond what we have done in 2015. It is the time to look ahead, it is also the time to reflect upon what we have done so far. We’ve learned from our work and also from all the wonderful people we have met during the last year.  We consider our readers’ and partners’ suggestions.

Our past: Publisher Veera Mahajan purchased Malibu Chronicle in 2011 as a sporadically published loose-leaf paper. With a staff of one, herself, she continued publishing the monthly newspaper for a year and added our online publication www.malibuchronicle.com.  In January 2013, we started printing the glossy magazine and since then we have been constantly evolving and growing in pages, quality, readership, distribution and staff. In 2014, we grew from a quarterly to a bi-monthly magazine, six issues per year.  Our expanded distribution route includes Conejo Valley, San Fernando Valley, Calabasas, Camarillo, Oxnard, Ventura and Beverly Hills.

At present:  Malibu Chronicle is mailed directly to 8400 homes in Malibu, we are in Ralph's and Whole Foods grocery stores and in all free stand from Venice to Ventura. We are now a beautiful glossy, perfect-bound, 78 pages of thought-provoking stories to promote and share the Malibu spirit and lifestyle. 

Our publication and publisher, Veera Mahajan is very well received and liked. We regularly get calls from readers who thank and congratulate us for putting out a wonderful publication.

We received many local and international awards in 2015. Very soon our publisher will be on her way to India to receive the Hind Rattan, another prestigious award. The award will be presented on January 24^th, 2016 in New Delhi, the capital of India. 

Our future: We see only good and wonderful things in the magazine’s future, because we are building this publication on the basis of love and respect for all concerned. We base our magazine on All Good News and that is what our readers have grown to expect from us.  We plan to continue to support and highlight our local personalities and businesses. 

We are planning to grow in size and increase our reach way beyond where we are now. We are developing innovative and creative ways to bring more exposure to our magazine and in turn to our advertisers. Of course we can't share everything right now because we are constantly evolving and also we like to share a few good surprises in every issue.

How will you meet the New Year? Are you Prepared? Send us stories about your New Year experiences so we can post and share online.  

Have a wonderful beautiful New Year’s Eve and have a brilliant and Happy New 2016!

Have Fun and Be Safe!  

Veera

*****

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What is Renunciation?

True renunciation is the capacity to set the right value for all the worldly things and to realize how inconsequential they are to our existence, even though we may have them when we are here in this world, and may even enjoy them. 

As long as we are not attached to having them, and do not depend on our possessions for our

happiness we can place the right amount of value on Things. The Things you think you must have might not be what makes you happy, because they may not be there tomorrow.  Even the people you are with today may not be there tomorrow. It is okay to enjoy your things and the company of people you like at this moment. Enjoy this moment and be happy that you have this time, but if you start counting on those things and people to make you happy, you are asking for trouble and unhappiness which is sure to come.

Renunciation is the measure of spirituality.  It is a misconception to think that renunciation is the resignation of life. You do not have to go barefooted to the mountains or forests and be alone to practice renunciation. It must be practiced in our daily lives, at home and in business.

Renunciation does not mean to give up all your worldly possessions or not thrive to do well and grow in business. It is good to have goals and reach them through hard work and intelligent decisions. It is not right to grow at the cost of hurting yourself or others, as if winning and succeeding were the only way to be happy.  Winning by hurting others may bring you things but it will not bring you everlasting happiness.

A successful and rich person can be a renunciate if he is not attached to his money and knows that it is momentary and a temporary possession.  He should know that possessions are not his existence, while a poor person, who always thinks about money, and is always looking for ways to possess material things is a materialist, whether he has the money or not.

Here is a poem from my favorite book Vedanta Treatise to clarify the meaning of renunciation:

“EVEN THIS SHALL PASS AWAY”

Once in Persia reigned a king,

Who upon his signet ring

Graved a maxim true ad wise

Which, if held before his eyes,

Gave him counsel at a glance

Fit for every change and chance.

Solemn words, and these are they;

“Even this shall pass away.”

Trains of camels through the sand

Brought him gems from Samarkand;

Fleets of galleys through the seas

Brought him pearls to match with these;

But he counted not his gain

Treasures of the mine or main;

“What is wealth?” the king would say;

“Even this shall pass away.”

 

Mid the revels of his court,

At the zenith of his sport,

When the palms of all his guests

Burned with clapping at his jests,

He, amid his figs and wine,

Cried, “O loving friends of mine;

Pleasures come, but not to stay;

“Even this shall pass away.”

 

Lady, fairest ever seen.

Was the bride he crowned his queen.

Pillowed on his marriage bed.

Softly to his soul he said:

“Though no bridegroom ever pressed

Fairest bosom to his breast,

Mortal flesh must come to clay –

Even this shall pass away.”

 

Fighting on the furious field,

Once a javelin pierced his shield;

Soldiers, with a loud lament,

Bore him bleeding to his tent.

Groaning from his tortured side,

“Pain is hard to bear,” he cried;

“But with patience, day by day,

Even this shall pass away.”

 

Struck with palsy, sore and old,

Waiting at the Gates of Gold,

Said he with his dying breath,

“Life is done, but what is Death?”

Then, in answer to the king,

Fell a sunbeam on his ring,

Showing by a heavenly ray,

“Even this shall pass away.”

 

Enjoy this moment, this is all we really have!

Light and love to all!

Veera

*****

 

 

 

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Slow Down and Smell the Roses!

 

A few days ago I met with a friend who introduced me to a book called “Your Life Is Your Message” by Eknath Easwaran.  It is a little book with a big message.

I knew it was a book with a message just by the title, and also because my friend had said that he was so impressed by it that he gives it to all his students at the end of his Business and Spiritual Growth class.  I didn’t give it much thought because I am a pretty spiritual person and I do read a lot of books like this one, Vedanta Treatise being my favorite one.  Vedanta Treatise has kept me grounded in very potentially volatile situations and kept me calm and collected,

when otherwise I could have easily lost it.

But, this little book did get me quite wired up when I finally start reading it. I got up early one morning because I had decided the night before that I am going to get back to my early morning reading and teatime. I missed my quiet time with myself. I was pretty good with that until a couple years ago, when my work with Malibu Chronicle magazine was getting busier and I was also taking classes for my Masters in Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine. I have now finished my classes and so my life is a little bit easier, although I hardly realized the difference when I was in it. I have learned through life to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and get things done.

One fine morning when my son, Rahul, was still sleeping, I woke up early to read a few pages from my new book (my gift).   It is an easy read, small passages, short stories, but big messages. After an hour I realized I was still reading and I really wanted to save some time for meditation (since it was also part of my plan from the night before).  It is my compulsive desire if I make a goal I must strive to reach it.

So, I closed the book and meditated for 15 minutes. Everything seemed fine till my son woke up and very lovingly said, “Good morning Mama”. Out of nowhere I had so much to say to him and I must admit none of it nicely. I was upset at him for wasting time, leaving his things all over the place, leaving the lights on all night.  He pushed back for a second, who could blame him. It seemed I’d lashed out for no reason as soon as I saw him. He probably wanted to go right back to bed and away from me. But, my wonderful beautiful son saw me in turmoil and became the calm presence that I needed at the time. Very quickly I understood my mistake but still did not understand why I behaved that way. Now I was upset at being upset.

As I gave myself time and kept trying to understand my own behavior, I realized I was projecting my own hurried life style on my son. I have been on the go and missing out on the good things along the way. I realized from my new book that the more we hurry and try to do too many things at one time, the less time we seem to have.  We can easily delete a lot of unimportant things from our daily schedule and enjoy the ones we choose to do. We will enjoy the things, places and people in our lives more if we only spend some more time with the things, places and people, instead of rushing through them all to the next place or person.

Since that day, I am trying to spend more time doing one thing at a time. I’d like to spend time with the people that I really want to spend time with, and who are good for my well-being, instead of trying to do everything and please everyone.  I know I can never please everyone even if I try. It is a foolish goal anyway. We are all responsible for our own happiness. I am trying to cut out the clutter in my life and stop trying to be part of everything. 

I am very happy with the magazine (Malibu Chronicle) and I am glad I am done with my classes. I am enjoying teaching Peer Mediation at Our Lady of Malibu School. It is very inspiring and satisfying to help young children towards learning how to resolve disputes peacefully and mutually, instead of using anger.

I am happy to refocus and be able spend my morning teatime with my spiritual books.  This practice prepares me for the day and for whatever it brings my way. I always have a choice to engage in a situation or not. If someone or something is not good for me, I remind myself I always have that choice to walk away.

I choose to slow down and smell the roses!

Still Learning to L.I.V.E.

 

Veera

 

*****

 

 

 

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Is it possible to move on when there is no apology?

I SO WANT IT TO BE TRUE!

I KNOW SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE, SO WHY DO I WANT TO CARRY THE WEIGHT OF THEIR MISTAKES ON MY SHOULDERS? THE SOONER I LEARN TO LET GO, THE BETTER IT’S GOING TO BE FOR MY GROWTH.

I HAVE TO LIVE WITH ME! I LIKE ME HAPPY!! I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY!!

I KNOW WHAT I NEED IN AN APOLOGY. I HAVE WAITED FOR IT TOO LONG. WAITING FOR IT ONLY CAUSES ME HEARTACHE. I HAVE TRIED TALKING. I ONLY GET EXCUSES THAT I DON’T LIKE. I AM GIVING SOMEONE ELSE THE POWER TO MAKE ME HURT MORE.

 

I HAVE FINALLY GIVEN UP TRYING TO HAVE SOMEONE RELEASE ME FROM THE PAST. IT IS WHAT HAPPENED. I KNOW IT AND THEY KNOW IT. THEY WILL NOT ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY.  TO MAKE THEM ACCEPT FAULT AND APOLOGIZE WOULD BE NICE, BUT AT THIS POINT IT’S NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE I HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM THERE. I AM NOT A CHILD ANYMORE. I AM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE. I COULD NOT SAY NO THEN, BUT I CAN SAY NO NOW.

I WILL ASSUME THE APOLOGY HAPPENED. I WILL ACCEPT THE APOLOGY I NEVER GOT AND MOVE ON. I WILL RECLAIM MY POWER!

Forgive and be Happy!

I believe this too. I know, as hard as I try to be good and proper, I still make mistakes. I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt.  I believe in “loving thy neighbor as thyself.” Matter of fact, it is the only commandment that I really resonate with and believe helps us be good citizens and love and forgive each other. The rest of the commandments are obvious.

Forgiving someone is good but letting him or her hurt you again and again is not good. Just like loving someone else is good but loving someone at your own cost and not loving yourself enough is not good. If you let someone hurt you again and again, and you are not doing anything to stop it or move away from them, you are not loving yourself and, you are not being good to yourself. Jesus may have said turn the other cheek, but I don’t remember him ever saying let them strike you again.  

"Hit Me Once, Shame On You.

Hit Me Twice, Shame On Me."

I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase before, but it doesn’t only refer to physical hitting. People hit and abuse others in many ways. Physical pain is just one of many ways people hurt. Emotional and verbal abusers get away with it everyday. All too often, the victims try to please these abusers more and the abuse only gets worse. This kind of abuse can go on for years. The victim keeps trying to forgive and move on till they are hit again, but the abuser does not stop till the victim decides not to be the victim anymore.

It’s okay to want to live a loving and forgiving life. It’s good to want to forgive our perpetrators, but if the abuser’s behavior isn’t changing and they continue to hurt you, it’s okay to forgive and move away. The forgiveness is not only for the other person.  Forgiveness is for you to be able to put the past in the past and move into a happier life for yourself. It is okay to protect yourself. If moving away is the only way to take care of you, then move away.  Forgive with no expectations. Forgive for your Self! And be Happy!

 

You deserve to be happy. If you have to be alone to make that happen, so be it!