Set your boundaries and stick with them.

For any healthy relationship, may it be a romantic one or with a friend or a grown child, it is important to set boundaries for what makes you feel good and respected in a relationship. Realize that everyone is different and you have your own feelings. No one should be allowed to push themselves on you or expect anything, including your time, unless you are happy with the arrangement. You have to first know how you are different from others and where your discomfort starts. Everyone has their own way of living, giving and accepting things or emotions. You are responsible for your things and emotions. You have the right to have them and not share or be hurt by someone else crossing a line causing you to feel pressured or bad. 

To be able to communicate your boundaries to someone else let alone having them respect your boundaries, you have to first know what those boundaries are, meaning when you don’t like it anymore and are uncomfortable.  To know what makes you uncomfortable you have to pay attention to your feelings and not ignore them. You have to respect yourself and your feelings before you ask or expect someone else to respect your feelings or boundaries. 

Once you figure out your boundaries, you need to communicate in words and make sure they are heard. If they are not heard you many need to show by actions. You cannot set some weak boundaries in your head and let people push them and not respect them. Once you decide to set a boundary, make sure you do not waiver and move them because some one pushes back. If someone gives you a push back when you have clearly communicated your boundary, they are obviously not respecting you or your feelings. Do not give in - otherwise you are showing weakness in yourself and your boundaries. 

You teach people how to respect you by respecting yourself and holding your ground even when people want to push your boundaries. Don’t allow people into your space where you are uncomfortable. 

As soon as you feel uncomfortable and unhappy, you know you have to set a boundary that only you decide if you want to change. Expect people to respect you and your boundaries and enforce them by standing your ground. Do not argue about the reason or the extent of space you need to your self. NO is a full sentence and use it whenever you need to communicate and enforce your need for space. 

When you get stronger and surer about your boundaries there is always a possibility that you might get a push back from others or you might even feel guilty.  Remember taking care of yourself is your right and duty and you are not wrong for setting clear boundaries and expecting people to respect them and you. This is one of the ways you take care of your self.  By setting boundaries you show others that you are grounded in your beliefs and you know what you want and don’t want. That is a powerful stance and you deserve to live an empowered life. 

If setting the boundary causes a backlash, or stay strong and focus on taking care of yourself. Go for a walk, exercise, or find something to do that makes you happy. Do something to re-center yourself and don’t spend too much time and energy focusing on what others say or do. 

Without healthy and strong boundaries we are always blaming others for hurting or disrespecting us when the fact is that we hurt ourselves when we only allow ourselves weak or no boundaries.

Know and set your boundaries and then stick to them. 

*****

To purchase a copy click here:

http://amzn.to/1VQrirQ

Contemplate, make a decision, and don’t second-guess yourself.

Decisions are the hardest thing to do when it’s the choice between what is good for you and what you may want.  So it is always a good idea to take time, and weigh the pros and cons before you make a final decision. It’s good to not base your decisions solely on your likes or wants. If we did everything based on what we want or like, even when choosing what we eat, we would not be making good decisions for our health. We have to make tough choices and decisions for better and healthy bodies. It is true in everything else we do in life. 

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that life is full of decision-making. Life brings us to a fork in the road many times and we have to make a choice about which road to take. Sometimes the road we have to take doesn’t look like the most comfortable one, but the decisions we make and choices we make shape our lives. 

Whatever you decide, make sure in the end it makes you feel good about yourself and happy.  When your values are clear about what

you want in life and what kind of person you want to be, decision-making becomes easy. The right decisions are the hardest to make, but you have to do that if you want to have the kind of life you want and deserve.

Sometimes you might feel like you failed yourself by going back on your decisions. Don’t feel bad and don’t give up. Keep making the hard choices and keep doing what is right for you. Stay firm on your values and don’t compromise. Making mistakes and fixing them is part of life. Living is a constant process of deciding what to do for our growth and happiness.  All accomplishments happen with a decision to try. 

Don’t let your emotions make your decisions. Don’t make big decisions when you’re too happy or too sad. Use your intellect and calm collected mind. If your intellect is not fully present, borrow someone else’s that you can trust.  Ask for a counsel. Remember you can’t make progress without making and sticking to your decisions. Keep trying till it becomes second nature. The more you start depending on and loving your decisions, the less you will have to depend on others or wait for others to love your decisions.  

In relationships, do what you feel is right in your heart.  If something or someone does not feel right and is not good for your growth or happiness in the long run, don’t take too long to make that hard decision.  Sometimes being undecided is harder than making a wrong decision. “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get anything done,” Bruce Lee once said.  At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life. 

Every decision you make should take you closer to your goal.  You will know you have made the right decision when, despite making the hardest choice, your heart is a peace. Often, the hardest decision you make leads you to an easier life. 

Remember, you are the CEO of your life. It is your responsibility to make the executive decisions, including whom to let go or keep in your life.  Once you have made the decision, don’t look back. Make it work.  You can’t expect a change if you don’t make one. Once you make a decision to take care of yourself, the universe will conspire to make it happen. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, helps you grow, or makes you happy.  

Above all, be the hero of your life, not the victim, and enjoy the life you deserve!

Veera 

*****

  

  

Buy on Amazon

Take Some Time to Clear Your Mind

I have been very busy lately with the magazine, my school, and mediations, and figuring out relationships. Haha! Figuring out relationships in itself is complicated and time consuming because it consumes all your emotions.

If you are overwhelmed with emotional decision-making it seems to take over everything else. You feel like you are running through time doing things while your mind and heart are stuck in time. When you find yourself in that space, I think it is good to physically move away for some time to give yourself room to clear your head and quiet your mind so you may realize what is good for you.

This weekend was perfect for clearing my head.  The new magazine had just come out, schoolwork was done, and no mediations were scheduled. It was a perfect time to take a break and go over my own internal mediation that I had been putting off. It’s good to have that talk with my inner Self every so often to find inner resolution and make peace with my Self.

I had an opportunity to visit some friends in Florida and spend time with our MC designer Tatiana. It gave me a much-needed break from an everyday busy schedule and a chance to just chill. I had to overcome my personal challenge and restrain myself from finding work. I realize that I am such a workaholic that I find work wherever I go. Please don't feel bad for me because I do enjoy working!

I also realize and accept that every so often I do need some time away from work to clear my head, to make right choices for myself, and to reconfigure the choices I have made so far that keep me so busy. It is all good!

All in all, I had a wonderful weekend in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and I am on my way back to beautiful Malibu with a fresh and rested mind to take on life and whatever it brings my way.

Life is good!! It smiles back at you when you greet it with a smile!

Keep smiling!

Veera

*****

Be someone that makes you happy!

It is important to be happy with ourselves, our decision and our solitude. It is important to like ourselves enough so say no to any one who does not make you happy. If you have to walk away form someone that is not making you happy it is OKAY. It s better to be alone than to stay with someone that make you afraid, uncomfortable or unhappy. 

Before looking for someone else you want to be with, be the one that you want to be with. 

Veera

Making Important Decisions With a Sound Mind

Even though we make little decisions everyday of our lives, it is difficult to make hard decisions that may affect our lives in the long run, especially if they will affect someone else’s life.  Decision-making is a real and important skill to learn. 

Making decisions in a hurry or when you are feeling sick, agitated or pressured is never a good idea.  You have to allow yourself time; think it over and even sleep on it before making a big decision.  It is usually difficult to take a decision back once you have agreed to do something for or with someone without consequences, push-back, or at least embarrassment. 

Being in a relationship is a very important decision that affects yours and the other person’s life. Of   With some relationships you don’t have to think too much because they don’t change your life one way or the other.  Two people can have a friendly relationship but still live very independent lives.  In a family, even though you are related for life, the kind of relationship you have with your family member begs you to make a decision how much time you invest in it. Is this relationship good for you and, if not, what is it worth to you to keep investing in it, or would you consider distancing yourself from that relationship?

course, there are different types of relationships.

Sometimes, very tough decision-making is needed in a romantic relationship too.  Of course, you like spending time with the person you love and it hurts if you have to decide to end it.  You have to consider your feelings and the other person’s feelings in any relationship.  That would be the key to a good relationship.  We would not hurt each other if we always considered other’s feelings while satisfying our needs.

It is very important to know what you need in a relationship.  I, like many people, used to think that considering my basic needs in a relationship was selfish, and I learned to love and give too much at the cost of my own basic needs. I sometimes still do. If you find it difficult to make a list of what you want-to-have (wishes) in a relationship, you should at least have a list of what you have-to-have (needs) so you do not over-compromise in any relationship.  You must stay true to yourself and take care of your basic needs. If you start feeling that you have to compromise your basic needs and you are not happy doing that, maybe it is time to make that very difficult decision.  Remember that it is your responsibility and right to take care of your self.  Still do not rush, react or make any decision while you are feeling distressed.  Please take your time, think about it, and discuss it with someone you trust, then make your decision and stick with it. Your decisions affect you and someone else, so be sure of your decision.  Most importantly, in any big decision-making, trust your heart. It will never steer you wrong.

You deserve to be happy and feel loved 100% of the time.  Love yourself!

Veera

*****

Purchase on Amazon

Buy on Kindle

If you are angry ..

If you are angry, please take a few minutes to calm down so you can be rational, and remember to be kind before you respond.  Like Mom said, "If you can’t be Kind, be Quiet." This advice has helped me in more ways than I ever thought possible.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

-Mother Teresa

Be mindful when it comes to words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.

– anonymous

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:      

1. Is it True?

2. Is it Necessary?

3. Is it kind?

And then if you are still angry please check to see:

1. Does it have to be said now?

2. What could be the consequence of saying it?

3. Can I express my anger in a constructive, kind way?

I am not asking you to deny or silence your angry feelings. Instead I encourage you to honor your feelings by saying what you mean without being perceived as mean spirited.

Be your own kind of Beautiful!

Veera

*****

My mission is to increase awareness of domestic abuse and eradicate this cancer from our society by empowering women and men who are suffering due to this epidemic disease.  My goal is to help them believe that they deserve a life in freedom and self-love.  Learning to L.I.V.E a journey is just that a book to help you identify and say No to abuse and learn to L.I.V.E. 

To Buy on Paperback

To Buy on Kindle

SETTING BOUNDARIES

IT MAY SEEM DIFFICULT BUT IT CAN AND MUST BE DONE. IT IS CALLED "SETTING BOUNDARIES"

DO NOT JUSTIFY, APOLOGIZE FOR,
OR RATIONALIZE THE HEALTHY
BOUNDARY YOU ARE SETTING.
DO NOT ARGUE.
JUST SET THE BOUNDARY CALMY, FIRMLY, CLEARLY,
AND RESPECTFULLY.
-Crystal Andrus