Domestic Abuse: UNREPORTED Crime. Learning to L.I.V.E.free is a journey: Set your boundaries and stick with them.

For any healthy relationship, may it be a romantic one or with a friend or a grown child, it is important to set boundaries for what makes you feel good and respected in a relationship. Realize that everyone is different and you have your own feelings. No one should be allowed to push themselves on you or expect anything, including your time, unless you are happy with the arrangement. You have to first know how you are different from others and where your discomfort starts. Everyone has their own way of living, giving and accepting things or emotions. You are responsible for your things and emotions. You have the right to have them and not share or be hurt by someone else crossing a line causing you to feel pressured or bad.

To be able to communicate your boundaries to someone else let alone having them respect your boundaries, you have to first know what those boundaries are, meaning when you don’t like it anymore and are uncomfortable. To know what makes you uncomfortable you have to pay attention to your feelings and not ignore them. You have to respect yourself and your feelings before you ask or expect someone else to respect your feelings or boundaries.

Once you figure out your boundaries, you need to communicate in words and make sure they are heard. If they are not heard you many need to show by actions. You cannot set some weak boundaries in your head and let people push them and not respect them. Once you decide to set a boundary, make sure you do not waiver and move them because some one pushes back. If someone gives you a push back when you have clearly communicated your boundary, they are obviously not respecting you or your feelings. Do not give in - otherwise you are showing weakness in yourself and your boundaries.

You teach people how to respect you by respecting yourself and holding your ground even when people want to push your boundaries. Don’t allow people into your space where you are uncomfortable.

As soon as you feel uncomfortable and unhappy, you know you have to set a boundary that only you decide if you want to change. Expect people to respect you and your boundaries and enforce them by standing your ground. Do not argue about the reason or the extent of space you need to your self. NO is a full sentence and use it whenever you need to communicate and enforce your need for space.

When you get stronger and surer about your boundaries there is always a possibility that you might get a push back from others or you might even feel guilty. Remember taking care of yourself is your right and duty and you are not wrong for setting clear boundaries and expecting people to respect them and you. This is one of the ways you take care of your self. By setting boundaries you show others that you are grounded in your beliefs and you know what you want and don’t want. That is a powerful stance and you deserve to live an empowered life.

If setting the boundary causes a backlash, or stay strong and focus on taking care of yourself. Go for a walk, exercise, or find something to do that makes you happy. Do something to re-center yourself and don’t spend too much time and energy focusing on what others say or do.

Without healthy and strong boundaries we are always blaming others for hurting or disrespecting us when the fact is that we hurt ourselves when we only allow ourselves weak or no boundaries.