I am a Mediator, a Peacemaker

by Veera Mahajan, M.D.R.

Master of Dispute Resolution

Spiritual Coach

I am a mediator, a peacemaker, and I am always looking for an alternative dispute resolution.  Conflict is an inevitable part of our lives when we’re interacting with other people on a daily basis. We don’t always know what the other person’s situation or mood is when we say or do something in their presence and we don’t know how it will affect them. It could make them happy or upset. Maybe they’re already upset at something else and their reaction has nothing to do with you. So, taking everything personally and pushing back aggressively without a thorough investigation may be unfair and could just make things worse.

Of course, we don’t roll over and let someone treat us badly, but fighting back, yelling or

reacting to someone else’s lack of self-control or tact isn’t the answer.  I believe if we take time to listen to each other’s grievances, we can figure out what might be bothering us below the surface or what we might be doing that is causing the conflict.  Sometimes just asking can be the answer.  Don’t ignore the situation: that usually doesn’t work.  Misunderstandings linger and conflicts can get bigger.

Sometimes the problem has nothing to do with what either one of us is doing or saying. Perhaps there is something completely unrelated to us that is causing tension. If we agree to communicate and trace our paths when things started getting uncomfortable, we can usually find out where or what the problem may be.

As an example, imagine two young boys who have started attending a new school.  They have an argument and end up in mediation. They have never been in mediation. They don’t know that mediation is unlike going to the Principal’s office where they have to either stay quiet, accept punishment or tell on someone else and get someone else in trouble. In mediation, they are encouraged to talk and tell their side of the story. They are given enough time to think, remember and communicate.  As they talk, they are reminded that their conversation is confidential and stays in that room. The purpose of mediation is to find a solution that helps all, not get someone in trouble.

During the short mediation session, these boys become sympathetic to one another, realize they both are anxious because they don’t understand the other students, some teachers, school rules or the school culture at large. Both boys were worried that they were not being accepted by peers, and that the teachers did not understand them. They realized they were ‘in the same boat’, being new in school. They agreed to watch out for each other and felt good that they had a choice to come to mediation if they find themselves in another conflict. They realized they didn’t have to fight, hit each other, get anyone else in trouble, or fear being sent to the Principal’s office.

What would you do if you had only one orange and two of your children are fighting over it? Would you scold them, not give either one the orange and punish them for fighting?  Or to be fair, would you cut the orange in half and give each of them one half? What if you later find out that one really wanted to eat the orange and the other really only needed the peel for a project and didn’t even like the orange.  Half a peel is found in the garbage and so is half the orange.

If we take the time to think, communicate and listen carefully to one another, we can figure out and satisfy our real needs. (And give all the peel to one and the whole orange to the other!)  That is the power of mediation.  That is my passion and that is what I do.  I am a mediator.  

Yes, it works in adult conflicts also!

Veera Mahajan

310 456 7935 or 248 961 3322

veeraisit@gmail.com

Our Cover story artist Anatole Krasnyansky honored at Museum of Tolerance, Los Angeles.

I have been waiting to meet Anatole Krasnyansky ever since Malibu Chronicle did a cover story on his art and life 2 years ago. Since then, our writer Tommy Hawkins has been trying to have Anatole’s story told at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles.

Finally, today was the day!  Tommy showed Anatole’s paintings and interviewed the artist at the museum in front

of a full house of curious and interested audience. Even though Anatole is elderly and was tired after meeting everyone during the reception hour, he gave a wonderful interview with Tommy. Tommy and Anatole have spent many hours together writing Anatole’s story and have become good friends. They are an amazing duo, an “Odd Couple” as they put it.

It was very rewarding when Tommy showed the audience the Malibu Chronicle issue with Anatole Kransyansky’s painting on the cover, and said it all started with that story. He also graciously introduced me as the Publisher of the magazine. I was so proud to have been a part of the story and able to help in some way that brought Anatole’s art and life to be honored at the amazing Museum of Tolerance.

This was my first experience at this museum, which is local and just off of Pico Blvd.  It is definitely worth visiting, and what better reason than to honor a great artist and man who was featured in our magazine.

Anatole would like me to do another, more complete story in Malibu Chronicle. I am looking forward to seeing more of his art and, hopefully, finding a way to bring one to my collection.

I love my job. I am grateful for all the amazing things I get to do and all the amazing people I get to meet! Life is good!

Went to Church after a long time! And enjoyed it!

Thanks Trish Steele for inviting me to go to “In His Presence Church” this Sunday. 

I grew up as a Christian in a Seventh Day Adventist Christian family. My family and I were regular churchgoers till I was about 10-12 years old when my dad moved out of the mission to start his private business. Even though I read the Bible and prayed through Christ every morning and night, including saying grace before every meal, church-going was optional. Over time, going to Church became less frequent.

I started becoming more universal, which I considered to be a good thing. I did not feel brain washed by the family tradition of Christian religion.  I made friends in all faiths and enjoyed their company and learned a lot of good things their faiths offered. I liked my life and my attitude of being more accepting and inclusive of all people and religions.  I still like that about myself.  I am very open to meeting and spending time with all people; their religious preference has never been a filter for me. I usually do not even ask or think about asking what religion someone belongs to.

I married a guy who came from a family that lived by Hindu philosophy, and he did not follow any religion

himself. He was cool about my Christian background and his non-religion did not affect me adversely.  So, I continued to pray through Christ pretty much all through my married life and our difference in faith never became a problem. Even through our divorce religion was not a source of conflict.

So, my conviction that there are good people in all religions became stronger over time. The fact that the Bible says you will go to hell if you do not accept Christ as your savior was becoming a question in my mind.  If there is actually a Heaven and a Hell to go to after death, how could all the amazing people in the world go to hell because they did not accept Christianity?  I do not want to believe that still.

The constant conflict over this one question and not going to church regularly, combined with my universal acceptance and spirituality, moved me farther from the church. Whenever I did go to church, many times I felt like the business aspect of most churches I went to made me feel like I was wasting the time and effort that I made to go to church.

In His Presence Church was different.  It was fun! It started like a rock concert with lively gospel songs. The preacher kept the sermon focused, informative and intelligent. It made me think and contemplate. It made sense. It did not feel like a lecture expecting obedience.

I dressed up in church proper attire. It was nice to be in a community where how you dress was not so important. Everyone was enjoying reading the Bible, singing and learning in a relaxed atmosphere. 

Church can actually be fun!

Veera

SURROUNDED BY LOVE ON SONIA AND DAVE'S WEDDING OCT. 22, 2016

Kunal, Monica, Rahul

Rubina, Veera, Supria, Ritika

Rahul

Dave and Sonia (Married)

Kunal, Veera, Rahul

Rahul, Kunal

Ritika, Kunal, Sonia, Veera, Rahul

Dave leading Sonia in 'Phere' around the fire while the priest is praying and giving blessings

OCTOBER – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS AND PREVENTION MONTH

October is the official month for increasing awareness of and preventing Domestic Violence.   I feel privileged to be working with two wonderful groups: Safe Passage locally, and National HOTLINE in San Francisco. 

A couple of weeks ago, I went to San Francisco to speak at a pre-event for the National HOTLINE. I didn’t know that I was going to be the main speaker at the event. I was sharing stories with the guests, the CEO and the other officials of the HOTLINE when my name got called and I went to the front of the crowd and started speaking about my life, my magazine and my book. I didn’t realize how easy it is to speak, even in front of almost 100% new faces when my intentions are good and I am speaking from my heart.  All I want to do is show by example that life after abuse can be amazing.  I want to show others still living in abuse that they are not alone. Once they take the first step, resources do open up and we do find our way to freedom. That is the message I’m trying to share through my little handy-dandy book. This little book has everything from signs of abuse, to ways to get out of it. 

After about fifteen minutes of sharing, I ended the talk on a positive note. “I know I deserve better and I will not accept less then that.”  As people applauded, I went back into the crowd. After my speech, I was very touched to hear the host of the party tell her story of abuse and reveal that it was the first time she told her story in public.  It is very empowering to tell our story, put the blame where it belongs and move forward free from the abuser and the abuse. 

Last weekend, on Oct. 1^st, I had the privilege to speak at the “Day of Unity” press conference for Safe Passage.   What a wonderful way to kick-off Domestic Violence Awareness month. It is an honor and pleasure to work with the CEO and founder of Safe Passage, Trish Steele. She and her husband are amazing people. They taught me how to pray with full faith again. I have met a lot of other wonderful women in the Safe Passage family.  I started my fight against Domestic Violence in a group similar to Safe Passage when I was in Michigan.  That is where I realized that I was living in abuse and that I need to get out.  That was 8 years ago. 

Now I live in Malibu, I have a positive magazine, Malibu Chronicle, and I have a book UNREPORTED that empowers you with the awareness and know-how if you want to end the cycle of abuse and live your own free life. 

Let’s share the love, not the fear. There is life after abuse. And we deserve to live the life that we want to L.I.V.E.

L.I.V.E. represents the ideas and beliefs that sustain me and are vital to my happiness. I LOVE myself. I INSIST on freedom. I am not anyone’s VICTIM. I am EMPOWERED to live my life the way I like it.

Keeping an open heart and L.I.V.E.

Life is pretty amazing! As I stay open to life, I realize there are more opportunities coming my way. I accept the opportunities with open arms and gratitude, and jump in to feel the experience even when I sometimes feel like I may not be prepared. 

I believe all things happen for a reason and at the correct time, so if this opportunity is coming to me at this time, I must be ready enough to be there at this time. I am always willing and ready to learn, so I feel comfortable enough to get started and learn as I go. For

some reason or maybe for that reason, I usually come out okay. I’m not afraid of opportunities when they sound good and feel good.  The same is true about meeting new people in my life. I am open to meeting new people. New people introduce me to more new people, and something good always comes out of it whether it’s a good time, a great experience or both.

The more I experience life and the more I learn, the more I want to experience and learn. Life has been good and is good. I’m excited about this journey that keeps taking me through wonderful experiences and brings wonderful people into my life. I am blessed to have very good friends that I share my work and life with. 

Best of all, I’m blessed to have amazing relationships with my two sons Kunal and Rahul.  It makes me overjoyed when I see them happy and living their dreams. I am looking forward to welcoming my new daughter-in-law, Ritika into my already amazing and fulfilling life.  

All this is possible because I decided to LIVE my life. Learning to L.I.V.E. is a beautiful journey!    

L.I.V.E. represents the ideas and beliefs that sustain me and are vital to my happiness. I LOVE myself. I INSIST on freedom. I am not anyone’s VICTIM. I am EMPOWERED to live my life the way I like it.

*******

  Look for it in Amazon under : Veera Mahaja

  Here is a direct link : purchase UNREPORTED

Keep your eyes on the road and hands on the steering wheel

There are so many ‘crazies’ driving on the same roads you are.  So, if you want to get to your next appointment or home safely, make sure you have your eyes on the road at all times and both hands on the steering wheel. You cannot afford to be distracted by text messages or the beautiful views of the Pacific Ocean while you drive on Pacific Coast Highway or through the beautiful canyons of Malibu.

Today as I was driving on Malibu Canyon, a really impatient and crazy driver in the lane going in the opposite direction decided to pass four cars and sped up, coming right at me. If I had not been completely alert and able to quickly slow down so he could swerve back into his lane in front of the other cars, we would have crashed head on. We were only a split second away from being mangled.  I could barely catch a breath as this crazy driver screeched past me. Almost immediately, a motorcyclist suddenly came from behind me, sped into the oncoming traffic, and then cut in front of me at a very high speed. I felt like I was in a car chase game trying to save my car from crashing at any moment. And all this was happening on one of the most beautiful and dangerous canyon roads, Malibu Canyon.  A crash there can easily throw you over the cliff and hundreds of feet down into the canyon. The chance of surviving that fall is slim. If you are lucky enough not to die, you will probably end up badly broken while setting off a brush fire.

Driving recklessly to save 5 minutes could cost the reckless driver’s life, and as they go to their fate, they might take other innocent drivers and passengers with them.  Please think, what is being five minutes late compared to never getting there?  So, people, please drive carefully when you are on these busy roads and canyons. Take a few extra minutes and reach your destinations safely, and let others reach home safely too.