I am a Graduate! It wasn’t easy but I did it!

Yes, I finally graduated with cap, gown and master’s hood. I walked the walk with the class of 2016 at Pepperdine Law School, Straus Institute onto the stage overlooking the beautiful ocean view to receive my diploma certifying that I am a Master of Dispute Resolution. 

Some days in the last two years were difficult juggling classes, exams and magazine deadlines. I want to thank Prof. Tim Pownall who kept me going when I wanted to quit, and Joanna and Randy at the Straus office who answered all my questions and stayed with me when I was panicking.  I also want to thank my sons Kunal and Rahul for always supporting me. I can’t believe my mom who came here for my graduation, even when she was not well. It was nice to see her so happy to see me graduate. I feel blessed and so loved by all my friends and my FB friends for their wishes and support. 

I know I said a couple of months ago that I graduated when I finished all my class work and was done with exams and homework. For all practical purposes I feel I graduated then, but I still had to finish my internship, or as Pepperdine calls it, Externship. Externships are really good for real life experience and preparation I needed to work as a mediator and arbitrator.  Mediation Clinic was another very important program offered at Pepperdine where we use our skill in actual courts to resolve real life disputes though mediation. I am proud to say, I had a 90% success rate during my time in mediation at these courts cases. It is a great feeling when I am able to help two parties resolve a dispute and salvage relationships.

I was always a peacemaker, but now I am a trained peacemaker with the best skill set possible. Pepperdine’s M.D.R. program has been ranked No.1 in the nation for the last 13 years. I am looking forward to using all I have learned at Pepperdine to make this world, or at least our community, a much more peaceful and tolerant place to live and grow. 

I am currently working at Our Lady of Malibu School.  I am excited about my work there because I feel great that I am able to teach the students from a young age how to use words instead of anger and violence to resolve conflicts. The children are learning to listen and put themselves in other’s shoes so that they realize hurting others also makes the hurt and pain grow in themselves. As one of the students after our mediation sessions said, “As I am learning to have better relationships, I am realizing that it is also helping me in my academics.”  I feel so blessed to be part of this transformation. 

As happy as I am to be done with two years of hard work at Pepperdine while continuing to work on the Malibu Chronicle magazine, I’m happy to have become more peaceful and happy myself. I use the mediation skills in my own life as much as possible.  Even though conflicts are a natural part of life, I hope I will be able to resolve most disputes easily and peacefully while maintaining the respect for myself and for my opponents. I feel more confident in navigating my way through life because I have learned better skills for negotiation and mediation. 

I am not a fighter; I am a mediator and peacemaker!

Veera

Veera Mahajan, M.D.R.

People Come Into Your Life For A Reason.

I believe we don’t meet people by mistake or an accident. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason. We might figure out that reason very quickly, learn the lessons we are supposed to learn from each other, and move on to the next step in our growth. Or it could take a lifetime to understand the reasons we crossed paths. Sometimes we end up hurting others and ourselves because we are unable or unwilling to learn the lesson. We blame each other for our misery instead of paying attention to what feelings are triggered and what we need to do to deal with the person or situation. If we pay closer attention to our own feelings, maybe we will learn that honoring ourselves is the lesson that we have to learn from a particular relationship. Maybe we are in a relationship with someone who needs us to be more empowered, and the only way we would feel the need to be empowered and do something about it had to come from the challenges of being with that person. 

My experience has been that the people in our lives come to us because there is something in our own lives and ourselves that we need to learn to become a better person. People in our lives, as challenging they may be, are there to help us grow stronger and smarter to fulfill our life purposes. 

My whole life, from my childhood to just a few years ago, taught me how to feel in difficult and uneven relationships. I always felt a sad and uncomfortable feeling like I could do more but I couldn’t. I always needed someone else’s approval, which was not always available. Even though I did a lot in my life, I always felt I could do more. I always felt I was not living my life fully or freely.  I was only able to move forward and live the wonderful free life of amazing growth when I decided to say NO to being controlled and scared. I had to make drastic changes in my own behavior. I had to endure many difficulties to be able to become the person I am today.  There was a time when I complained and felt hurt by the people in my life, but I now realize and understand that they were important in my life to do what was their job in my life. They came into my life to teach me the lessons I needed to learn. 

I am thankful for everyone who came into my life to help me carve my beautiful life that I enjoy today!

I am happy and free! Life is good!

Being a Mother and a Daughter

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and daughters!

Mother’s Day is especially important to me because I am a mother and a daughter.

I worry about my mother as much as I worry about my sons, sometimes more for my mother than my sons.

It is interesting that a time comes in your life when your children are grown and starting their new lives. You worry about your children, but you stand back and watch them struggle for things they want. This is okay because you know you went through the same thing at their age. It is good for

them to fetch for themselves and carve their own lives. It can be difficult to hold back and not roll the red carpet in their path, and let them explore their options on their own. We try as parents to stay in the sidelines, ready to catch them if they fall. As anyone who is a parent knows, once you are a parent, you are a parent forever, and worrying for your children comes with the job description.

At the same time your children are growing and struggling young adults, your parents are at an age where they are struggling because they are getting older and they need your help.  They try to make it on their own, but you know they are weak, tired or just forgetful to manage their everyday lives on their own. Their situation is completely opposite your child’s.  However, you are in the middle worrying about your children and your parents.

Today, I am gratified to see my two sons doing well and growing in the work they love, enjoying the

company of their friends.  It makes me happy and proud to see my sons work hard and succeed.  They are on their way up in the world.  It is all good!

I worry about my mom, as she is enduring a painful and slow recovery from her knee surgery.  I am graduating in a couple of weeks and she wants to be part of that, but I worry that a gap in therapy might be bad for her recovery progress.

I see myself always shifting gears between being a mother and a daughter! Either way I worry, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!  I love being a mother and I love being a daughter.

Veera

*****

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Set your boundaries and stick with them.

For any healthy relationship, may it be a romantic one or with a friend or a grown child, it is important to set boundaries for what makes you feel good and respected in a relationship. Realize that everyone is different and you have your own feelings. No one should be allowed to push themselves on you or expect anything, including your time, unless you are happy with the arrangement. You have to first know how you are different from others and where your discomfort starts. Everyone has their own way of living, giving and accepting things or emotions. You are responsible for your things and emotions. You have the right to have them and not share or be hurt by someone else crossing a line causing you to feel pressured or bad. 

To be able to communicate your boundaries to someone else let alone having them respect your boundaries, you have to first know what those boundaries are, meaning when you don’t like it anymore and are uncomfortable.  To know what makes you uncomfortable you have to pay attention to your feelings and not ignore them. You have to respect yourself and your feelings before you ask or expect someone else to respect your feelings or boundaries. 

Once you figure out your boundaries, you need to communicate in words and make sure they are heard. If they are not heard you many need to show by actions. You cannot set some weak boundaries in your head and let people push them and not respect them. Once you decide to set a boundary, make sure you do not waiver and move them because some one pushes back. If someone gives you a push back when you have clearly communicated your boundary, they are obviously not respecting you or your feelings. Do not give in - otherwise you are showing weakness in yourself and your boundaries. 

You teach people how to respect you by respecting yourself and holding your ground even when people want to push your boundaries. Don’t allow people into your space where you are uncomfortable. 

As soon as you feel uncomfortable and unhappy, you know you have to set a boundary that only you decide if you want to change. Expect people to respect you and your boundaries and enforce them by standing your ground. Do not argue about the reason or the extent of space you need to your self. NO is a full sentence and use it whenever you need to communicate and enforce your need for space. 

When you get stronger and surer about your boundaries there is always a possibility that you might get a push back from others or you might even feel guilty.  Remember taking care of yourself is your right and duty and you are not wrong for setting clear boundaries and expecting people to respect them and you. This is one of the ways you take care of your self.  By setting boundaries you show others that you are grounded in your beliefs and you know what you want and don’t want. That is a powerful stance and you deserve to live an empowered life. 

If setting the boundary causes a backlash, or stay strong and focus on taking care of yourself. Go for a walk, exercise, or find something to do that makes you happy. Do something to re-center yourself and don’t spend too much time and energy focusing on what others say or do. 

Without healthy and strong boundaries we are always blaming others for hurting or disrespecting us when the fact is that we hurt ourselves when we only allow ourselves weak or no boundaries.

Know and set your boundaries and then stick to them. 

*****

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Contemplate, make a decision, and don’t second-guess yourself.

Decisions are the hardest thing to do when it’s the choice between what is good for you and what you may want.  So it is always a good idea to take time, and weigh the pros and cons before you make a final decision. It’s good to not base your decisions solely on your likes or wants. If we did everything based on what we want or like, even when choosing what we eat, we would not be making good decisions for our health. We have to make tough choices and decisions for better and healthy bodies. It is true in everything else we do in life. 

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that life is full of decision-making. Life brings us to a fork in the road many times and we have to make a choice about which road to take. Sometimes the road we have to take doesn’t look like the most comfortable one, but the decisions we make and choices we make shape our lives. 

Whatever you decide, make sure in the end it makes you feel good about yourself and happy.  When your values are clear about what

you want in life and what kind of person you want to be, decision-making becomes easy. The right decisions are the hardest to make, but you have to do that if you want to have the kind of life you want and deserve.

Sometimes you might feel like you failed yourself by going back on your decisions. Don’t feel bad and don’t give up. Keep making the hard choices and keep doing what is right for you. Stay firm on your values and don’t compromise. Making mistakes and fixing them is part of life. Living is a constant process of deciding what to do for our growth and happiness.  All accomplishments happen with a decision to try. 

Don’t let your emotions make your decisions. Don’t make big decisions when you’re too happy or too sad. Use your intellect and calm collected mind. If your intellect is not fully present, borrow someone else’s that you can trust.  Ask for a counsel. Remember you can’t make progress without making and sticking to your decisions. Keep trying till it becomes second nature. The more you start depending on and loving your decisions, the less you will have to depend on others or wait for others to love your decisions.  

In relationships, do what you feel is right in your heart.  If something or someone does not feel right and is not good for your growth or happiness in the long run, don’t take too long to make that hard decision.  Sometimes being undecided is harder than making a wrong decision. “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get anything done,” Bruce Lee once said.  At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life. 

Every decision you make should take you closer to your goal.  You will know you have made the right decision when, despite making the hardest choice, your heart is a peace. Often, the hardest decision you make leads you to an easier life. 

Remember, you are the CEO of your life. It is your responsibility to make the executive decisions, including whom to let go or keep in your life.  Once you have made the decision, don’t look back. Make it work.  You can’t expect a change if you don’t make one. Once you make a decision to take care of yourself, the universe will conspire to make it happen. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, helps you grow, or makes you happy.  

Above all, be the hero of your life, not the victim, and enjoy the life you deserve!

Veera 

*****

  

  

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Take Some Time to Clear Your Mind

I have been very busy lately with the magazine, my school, and mediations, and figuring out relationships. Haha! Figuring out relationships in itself is complicated and time consuming because it consumes all your emotions.

If you are overwhelmed with emotional decision-making it seems to take over everything else. You feel like you are running through time doing things while your mind and heart are stuck in time. When you find yourself in that space, I think it is good to physically move away for some time to give yourself room to clear your head and quiet your mind so you may realize what is good for you.

This weekend was perfect for clearing my head.  The new magazine had just come out, schoolwork was done, and no mediations were scheduled. It was a perfect time to take a break and go over my own internal mediation that I had been putting off. It’s good to have that talk with my inner Self every so often to find inner resolution and make peace with my Self.

I had an opportunity to visit some friends in Florida and spend time with our MC designer Tatiana. It gave me a much-needed break from an everyday busy schedule and a chance to just chill. I had to overcome my personal challenge and restrain myself from finding work. I realize that I am such a workaholic that I find work wherever I go. Please don't feel bad for me because I do enjoy working!

I also realize and accept that every so often I do need some time away from work to clear my head, to make right choices for myself, and to reconfigure the choices I have made so far that keep me so busy. It is all good!

All in all, I had a wonderful weekend in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and I am on my way back to beautiful Malibu with a fresh and rested mind to take on life and whatever it brings my way.

Life is good!! It smiles back at you when you greet it with a smile!

Keep smiling!

Veera

*****

Be someone that makes you happy!

It is important to be happy with ourselves, our decision and our solitude. It is important to like ourselves enough so say no to any one who does not make you happy. If you have to walk away form someone that is not making you happy it is OKAY. It s better to be alone than to stay with someone that make you afraid, uncomfortable or unhappy. 

Before looking for someone else you want to be with, be the one that you want to be with. 

Veera