Making Important Decisions With a Sound Mind

Even though we make little decisions everyday of our lives, it is difficult to make hard decisions that may affect our lives in the long run, especially if they will affect someone else’s life.  Decision-making is a real and important skill to learn. 

Making decisions in a hurry or when you are feeling sick, agitated or pressured is never a good idea.  You have to allow yourself time; think it over and even sleep on it before making a big decision.  It is usually difficult to take a decision back once you have agreed to do something for or with someone without consequences, push-back, or at least embarrassment. 

Being in a relationship is a very important decision that affects yours and the other person’s life. Of   With some relationships you don’t have to think too much because they don’t change your life one way or the other.  Two people can have a friendly relationship but still live very independent lives.  In a family, even though you are related for life, the kind of relationship you have with your family member begs you to make a decision how much time you invest in it. Is this relationship good for you and, if not, what is it worth to you to keep investing in it, or would you consider distancing yourself from that relationship?

course, there are different types of relationships.

Sometimes, very tough decision-making is needed in a romantic relationship too.  Of course, you like spending time with the person you love and it hurts if you have to decide to end it.  You have to consider your feelings and the other person’s feelings in any relationship.  That would be the key to a good relationship.  We would not hurt each other if we always considered other’s feelings while satisfying our needs.

It is very important to know what you need in a relationship.  I, like many people, used to think that considering my basic needs in a relationship was selfish, and I learned to love and give too much at the cost of my own basic needs. I sometimes still do. If you find it difficult to make a list of what you want-to-have (wishes) in a relationship, you should at least have a list of what you have-to-have (needs) so you do not over-compromise in any relationship.  You must stay true to yourself and take care of your basic needs. If you start feeling that you have to compromise your basic needs and you are not happy doing that, maybe it is time to make that very difficult decision.  Remember that it is your responsibility and right to take care of your self.  Still do not rush, react or make any decision while you are feeling distressed.  Please take your time, think about it, and discuss it with someone you trust, then make your decision and stick with it. Your decisions affect you and someone else, so be sure of your decision.  Most importantly, in any big decision-making, trust your heart. It will never steer you wrong.

You deserve to be happy and feel loved 100% of the time.  Love yourself!

Veera

*****

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If you are angry ..

If you are angry, please take a few minutes to calm down so you can be rational, and remember to be kind before you respond.  Like Mom said, "If you can’t be Kind, be Quiet." This advice has helped me in more ways than I ever thought possible.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.

-Mother Teresa

Be mindful when it comes to words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.

– anonymous

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:      

1. Is it True?

2. Is it Necessary?

3. Is it kind?

And then if you are still angry please check to see:

1. Does it have to be said now?

2. What could be the consequence of saying it?

3. Can I express my anger in a constructive, kind way?

I am not asking you to deny or silence your angry feelings. Instead I encourage you to honor your feelings by saying what you mean without being perceived as mean spirited.

Be your own kind of Beautiful!

Veera

*****

My mission is to increase awareness of domestic abuse and eradicate this cancer from our society by empowering women and men who are suffering due to this epidemic disease.  My goal is to help them believe that they deserve a life in freedom and self-love.  Learning to L.I.V.E a journey is just that a book to help you identify and say No to abuse and learn to L.I.V.E. 

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SETTING BOUNDARIES

IT MAY SEEM DIFFICULT BUT IT CAN AND MUST BE DONE. IT IS CALLED "SETTING BOUNDARIES"

DO NOT JUSTIFY, APOLOGIZE FOR,
OR RATIONALIZE THE HEALTHY
BOUNDARY YOU ARE SETTING.
DO NOT ARGUE.
JUST SET THE BOUNDARY CALMY, FIRMLY, CLEARLY,
AND RESPECTFULLY.
-Crystal Andrus

How do you know if something is not good for you?

The only way to know if something is good for you is to pay attention to how it makes you feel.

That inner feeling at your core that either makes you feel joy or gives you a nagging uncomfortable feeling is the only god given measure built inside of you to follow. To ignore that core feeling is to accept that which is less than joyful and right for you.

We stay in unwanted and unhappy situations when we make unhealthy choices for ourselves. If your core is telling you that something might look and feel good sometimes, but that temporary good feeling is at the cost of feeling bad and uncomfortable at other times, you know that is not right for you. You have to listen and pay attention to your own truth. That is your true friend. Your truth does not have to be the truth for anyone else.

Everyone deserves to be happy and it is your responsibility to create your own happiness. If you ignore your own heart and body that is telling you don’t do something and you do it anyway, you cannot blame anyone else for your unhappiness. You have to pay attention to your own feelings and use your own intellect to find out what is good for you. Do your own investigation and due diligence before you make any commitments or take on a new project or relationship.

It is good to always have a check and balance in all you do. As soon as something makes you feel bad or unhappy, you have to consult your ever-present inner counselor and communicate with your own core and values. That is the only best friend you have that always has your back and will not steer you wrong.

If you want to change your life from ‘Same-Old-Same-Old’ to a better future, you have to reinvestigate what you are doing the same-old-same-old way but expecting a new result. Isn’t that the definition of Insanity?  You cannot have a better life if you do not do better for yourself and make better choices. Remember, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

Once you have made a decision to change something in your life, the best way to make sure you do not repeat the same behavior for the same results is to totally detach yourself from the present uncomfortable situation and give yourself time to reevaluate yourself and what your role was in causing your unhappiness. Most importantly, do not try to do something different right away, most likely you will not pick a very different path and end up where you were again.

Take time, meditate, and let the good neutral feeling come back before trying to create another fun feeling. Don’t try too hard to be happy. Happiness will come! Be patient. Accept yourself, forgive yourself and be happy with yourself.

Remember, making yourself happy is no one else’s job. Don’t depend on anyone else to do that for you! Love yourself and do what is right for you! Be Happy with you first and let the universe bring you the rest!

Love and light to everyone!

Veera

****

My mission is to increase awareness of domestic abuse and eradicate this cancer from our society by empowering women and men who are suffering due to this epidemic disease.  My goal is to help them believe that they deserve a life in freedom and self-love.  Learning to L.I.V.E a journey is just that a book to help you identify and say No to abuse and learn to L.I.V.E.

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Our Lady of Malibu School: First Malibu School for Peer Mediation

Our Lady of Malibu School (OLM) is the first school in Malibu to offer Peer Mediation as an elective to their students.  Principal Michael Smith, who has a background in mediation, was instrumental in organizing this peace-making program in collaboration with Pepperdine University and Dr. Amora

Fisher, a Pepperdine Straus student who developed this Peer Mediation program as a Justice for Youth program.   I had the honor to be part of this wonderful program right from the start, helping with implementation and teaching the class for 12 weeks.  

It was an amazing experience for me to work with OLM’s wonderful, smart, and talented students. They were open to learning peace-making skills and committed to being the peer-mediators for the school.  We had six graduates of the first program. Our Lady of Malibu School plans to offer the elective next year as well.

The school also had a contest open to all OLM students to come up with an art piece in any form ^st, 2^nd and 3^rd prizes. 

(painting, drawing, statue, poem, etc.), to show the peace-making idea behind mediation.  Three students from grades 6 through 8 won 1

I have enjoyed watching the students grow from this experience. OLM has reported   fewer struggles among the students since the program was initiated.  Principal Smith has said that it has been good exposure for the whole school as well as all the students who took the 12-week course.  The graduates of this program at OLM are now Peer Mediators who are available to resolve any small disputes among other students in the school.

We have had a few successful peer-mediations observed by the course instructors and other OLM teachers.  I continue to be available to OLM School to assist with mediations that might need a little more work than what a peer-mediator can handle.

I am at school three days a week, working with the principal and the teachers to encourage, facilitate and find solutions for better communication and acceptance between students.

Amora Fisher holds monthly peace circles to encourage and facilitate the same peace-making skills among the students, staff and parents.

I am very excited to be part of a program where we teach young children to choose alternative dispute resolution through peace-making skills instead of anger and violence.  I am very proud to be part of OLM School as they introduce and use mediation within their school and our small and wonderful Malibu community.

Photo Caption:  Top Left, from left - Veera Mahajan, Anjoulie Kempton, Nicole Reynaga, Principal Michael A. smith, Calvin Joyce, Eliza Byrnes, Amalie Kempton, Liam Fox and Dr. Amora Fisher.

Photo Caption: Middle Right, from Left - Peace Contestant winners, Addy Arlidge, Chase Freeman and Eliza Byrnes.

*****

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Mediate, Be Civil, Be Happy!!

Let me share a simple example of a dispute that involved several parties. There is one plaintiff and her lawyer.  She is suing several different parties.  Her lawyer is trying to get money from wherever she can, and hoping to get a lot of money from each one of the defendants.   Sadly, the lawyer is not very well prepared to present her case. She is not even sure of the laws that she claims the defendants broke. She is not willing to hear any explanation from the defendants or to negotiate at all.

Worse yet, the lawyer is letting her client believe that she has a great case and that she is entitled to

win a lot of money. She’s handling this case on contingency and letting the client believe that she has nothing to lose, but she is not preparing her client for the possibility she may lose the case in court and the judge may find her responsible for all lawyer fees for all of the defendants. And we all know that is not cheap.

Unless you have a clear-cut case and you know you are going to win in court, I suggest going to mediation and saving yourself time and money, and saving very expensive court time that taxpayers pay on your behalf.  Mediation is especially important if you wish to salvage any business or personal relationships, rather than fight in court and say and do things that you can’t take back.

The best part is mediation is a win-win strategy. You are not leaving your fate in the hands of a third party like an arbitrator or a judge. You can practice your negotiation skills and mutually agree on what you can pay and accept.  You can use the help of a trained mediator to help you navigate through this wonderful process of resolving disputes in a civil manner.  Also, know that you don’t lose anything by trying the mediation process.  Everything said or disclosed in the mediation is held confidential by all parties and cannot be used in court if you are unable to resolve your disputes in mediation and have to go back to court.

At least you know you tried your best to resolve your disputes peacefully.  Statistics show that most people who go through mediation end up resolving their conflicts and come out happier that they chose this alternative dispute resolution (ADR) method. 

Disputes are a common and normal part of life.  With all the people we deal with everyday in business and/or in personal matters we are bound to have conflicts. How we deal with these disputes and the people we are in conflict with is most important. It does not help anyone if we threaten to take everyone to court every time we have a problem.  Let’s try to resolve our disputes in a loving and friendly manner. Let’s call for mediation instead of yelling, “I will sue you” or “See you in court.”

Please see this handy little chart (from www.statecourts.gov.sg) for all the reasons why mediation is better.  I am not saying this just because I am a mediator. I have tried and experienced mediation. I am going through mediation now. Believe me, it works and saving relationships is the added benefit. Relationships can even improve when you are civil to each other and try to listen to each other.

Be peaceful! Be happy!

Veera

*****

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Being grateful for the life we have!

I am always working on making myself a better person. I sometimes follow the example of the idols I respect and learn from, but I am always grateful for the life I have. 

I received this beautiful poem from a friend this morning reminding me how important it is to be grateful and peaceful in our life instead of complaining and thinking someone else has it better. You never know what is happening in someone else’s life. Everyone has his or her own story.

The Poem:

Sometimes you are unsatisfied with your life,

While many people in this world are dreaming of living your life.

A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead and dreams of flying,

But, A pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse and dreams of returning home.

That’s life! Enjoy yours…

If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing on the street.

But only the poor kids do that.

If power ensures security, then officials should walk unguarded.

But those who live simply, sleep soundly.

If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships,

Then celebrities should have the best marriages.

Live simply, walk humbly and Love genuinely….

All good will come back to you….

Veera

*****

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My exciting and humbling trip to India

I went on the long trip to my birth land because the NRI Welfare Society of India invited me for the Hind Rattan Award. I also wanted to take this opportunity to talk about my passionate purpose and desire to eradicate domestic violence through my book, Learning to L.I.V.E.

(L to R) Vijay Sampla, Minister of
Social Justice and Veera Mahajan

Hence the journey started. I packed my bags with clothes, shoes and toiletries for a 12-day trip. I also packed a lot of books and magazines. I was receiving the award for my work with Malibu Chronicle, so of course I needed enough copies of those to share, and for show and tell.  Since I was there I wanted to find any other possible opportunities for the growth and celebrity of my favorite publication!

The program was very well organized.  I had the opportunity to meet and have conversations with dedicated organizers, many honorable dignitaries and wonderful and successful delegates from around the world. We had many formal events where we heard about all the positive things India is doing to make NRIs (non-resident Indians) feel comfortable to come back to visit and do business in India, or to collaborate with Indian companies. Also, it was exciting to see how people from India (like myself) are creating history and doing wonderful work around the world.  In case you didn’t know, I am the only person (male or female) of Indian origin in the United States to ever own and run a mainstream magazine like Malibu Chronicle.  I am very proud of it. It’s great to see that India appreciates and is proud of what I’m doing.  It was an honor to be called for the Hind Rattan Award in New Delhi, India along with a few very accomplished Indians around the world.

After the award ceremony, we as a group went to Jaipur.   On our way, we took a little detour to go to Agra for Taj Mahal.  There is nothing that can compare to Taj.  If you go to India, you have to see The Taj, the white marble temple with the tomb inside. It tells the story of the love of a 17^th century king for his beloved wife.  I am amazed how much talent India has and had centuries ago. Jaipur is the pink city and has amazing architecture.  As we traveled, I noticed that, while poverty was still evident, people were not begging. Instead, the cities were vibrant with people selling products and food everywhere. I definitely want to go back with my sons one day.

Towards the end of my trip, I was able to go to Haridwar and Rishikesh, holy cities only a few miles away from where I was born. In Rishikesh, I walked on a hanging bridge over the river Ganga that I remembered walking on with my father when I was eight years old.  He crossed the entire bridge with his eyes closed because he was afraid of heights, but he still went with us.

It was nice to go back for business and for personal reasons.

On Lakshman Jhoola (hanging bridge) over river Ganga in Rishikesh India

This trip encouraged me to have my book, Learning to L.I.V.E. translated in Hindi, the national Indian language.  The founder and organizers of NRI Welfare Society, Gurinder Singh and Deepak Singh, have a publishing house in Delhi.  It was nice to spend more time with them and their families in India.  I feel blessed that we have become good friends now.  They agreed to have my book edited, formatted and published in Hindi in India.

Another good outcome of this chain reaction is that this experience also encouraged me to have my book, Learning to L.I.V.E. translated into Spanish.  The Spanish translation should be available here in the USA very soon.

 *****

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Wonderful Things Happen Everyday

Wonderful things happen everyday even though sometimes they are not clearly ‘in-your-face’ wonderful. If you only take a few minutes and let the experience happen, you will see that something positive will happen, either to enjoy now, or to learn something about life so you can enjoy it in future. Sometimes it is there just to test your choosing capabilities. Even if you have honed a trait, life will throw a pop quiz to test your abilities just to see how good you really are.

A math teacher may think you know your multiplication. She will not move you

to division until she is sure you have mastered the multiplication skills. She will give you a few tests. Even after you have passed all your tests and she graduates you to division, she may still give you a challenge quiz just to make sure you have not forgotten all you had learned so far.

Life is just like that. Sometimes people wonder and question why  they keep repeating the same problems and mistakes again and again.  If we do not pay attention to the lessons that we learn through life experiences, we have to repeat them over and over until life is sure that we got what we needed to get out of it. So, if we really want to move forward, have a better life and not go through the same problems, we need to be more observant and pay attention to where we are today and what we are doing here so we do not continue to make the same mistakes. Only then we can move forward and graduate to bigger and better things and, of course, to new mistakes and new lessons.

Life, after all, is a string of experiences. Make sure the average of the experiences in that string is positive in order to build a happy life. It is up to you and the choices you make. Every choice you make today will have positive or negative consequences. Let’s take time and not rush into things. Let’s enjoy our option to choose and create the life we want for ourselves instead of letting things happen and complaining later.

If it is not Fun, find out what you can do to change that!

Life is to be Happy!

Veera

 

*****

 

 

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Peace Is Not Just a State of Mind

Peace is not just a state of mind. Peace is not just an attitude.  Peace is not a commodity that can be purchased for a piece of silver. Peace is a philosophy.

Peace is the total understanding, total tolerance, and total love of all that surrounds you. If you understand and appreciate what is happening without resentment, even though you disagree, and if you tolerate the actions of others, find positive qualities in their mistakes, you will be much closer to peace.

Peace is not the renunciation of the spirit in any one situation. For even in a peaceful state it is healthy to question. It is also necessary to see the other side of the coin, and understand that if a situation is not suitable for us, our situation may not be suitable for another; yet either situation may be suitable in its proper respect.

Peace is found in loving that which is around us, not blindly or thoughtlessly, but with the full realization that it has value and is there for a reason, that it spiritually fits, that it is part of us and our world.

Our life moments and experiences are here to teach us something. Life is a string of good and difficult experiences. If we pay close attention and keep an open mind, even the difficult situations that hurt us can also teach us important lessons that we may not have learned otherwise. These may be the lessons we value the most when we look back.

Peace is another name for forgiveness. Some think forgiveness means we have to condone bad behavior or that we have to forgive and be friends with the person who has hurt us. Although it is sometimes possible to forgive and reconcile, peace and forgiveness means to find a way so that a difficult situation or person does not hurt our present or future. We must find a way to forgive the one who hurt us but we must not forget so we do not let them ever take our peace again. If we know a person or a situation is harmful for our peace, we may have to forgive and move forward without that person. We have to be okay knowing that we do not have to see that person again.  It is our responsibility to keep our lives happy and peaceful.

Veera

*****

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The Universe Knows and Delivers

Opportunities come our way all the time. We have to be ready to accept them and make the most of them.  We may not recognize them, and let them pass by.

I like to wake up early and start my day with a cup of tea and some spiritual reading

even though I do not get to do it all the time.   A long time ago, someone told me that the angels come around early in the morning to see who is awake and ready for their blessings, and if they see you still sleeping, they fly by and take the blessings to someone else who is ready to appreciate and enjoy them. Those wise words made a huge impression on me and still remind me, on the days when I am too lazy to get out of bed, to start my day on a healthy note. Don’t get me wrong, some days when I have done all that I need to do and I am caught up with all my deadlines, I enjoy the luxury of staying in bed a little longer.

I want to share a simple story from my favorite book, Vedanta Treatise.  This story always reminds me that the Universe does know better.

Once there were two brothers who wanted to grow olive trees. One lived in the woods and the other in a cave. They both got two olive saplings and planted them in front of their homes.

The one living in the woods made a nice topsoil bed for the sapling and asked God for sun, rain and food for his plant. God granted him sunshine, rain and healthy soil, but the plant over time still died.  One day he went to visit his brother who lived in the cave and saw his plant growing big and beautiful.  He asked his brother how did his plant survive so wonderfully in the middle of rocks?  His brother told him I just put the plant between two rocks and asked God to take care of it. He told his brother, “I figured God made it, so he must know how to take care of it. There was no point telling Him what my plant needed.” 

Just like the brother in the cave, I feel I am living in this world of surprises, so while I do what I have to everyday to make sure I do my part and not be lazy or demanding of the Universe to take care of me, I do believe the Universe knows what I need everyday.

In these last few weeks I have been working a lot trying to close the Feb./March issue before I take off to India to receive the Hind Rattan award on Jan 25^th.   I was feeling tired physically and missing my workouts and massages. I have been missing meals and eating at odd times.  All this was making me a little off-balance physically and emotionally, but I didn’t complain because I have to do this every deadline for every issue and especially this one since I will be leaving before the magazine comes out.

While my focus was on the magazine and deadlines, the Universe knew I needed some TLC as well. So, a wonderful woman Alana Littler called our Director of Sales Dawn McCarthy to invite the publisher of Malibu Chronicle to enjoy a retreat they were holding in Malibu.  I was able to accept the invite and attended the retreat. 

I am so glad I went. I met the most wonderful people including three beautiful women; Brooke from http://www.renewjuicery.com, Sophia from http://spasophia.com and Laurel from http://sweetlaurel.com. They and their staff put up a wonderful retreat. They took care of all the guests attending with utmost care and respect. I learned a lot from them and I look forward to working them in the future.

I highly recommend the raw organic juices and shakes from Renew Juicery.  Try the healthy and delicious recipes from Sweet Laurel, and enjoy the different spa treatments and skin care services from Spa Sophia.

I look forward to calling them when I get back from India. I know I’ll need the wonderful care they are so capable of providing.

It feels good to enjoy the blessings when they come my way! 

Thank you, Universe, and I thank all the people that these blessings come through!

Veera

 

*****

 

 

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Just a Few Kind Words Can Make a Big Difference

I was working and watching TV at the same time as I sometimes do when I’m not in a hurry.  I like to laugh watching comedy shows like Friends, Seinfeld, Modern Family or serious shows like Law and Order and NCIS.  It’s nice to have the TV on just to glance up at once in a while and take a break.  Recently, I’ve realized the ads are the same no matter what shows you watch. Lately, I see ads that for some reason make fun of moms calling at very inappropriate times and doing silly noisy chores when their children are either sleeping, studying or busy in one way or the other.

I am a mother of two grown sons and we talk everyday.  I guess I don’t always know if they are busy when I call them just like they don’t know if I am busy when they call me. I expect them to tell me if they cannot talk. I hope they don’t feel I annoy them or bother them calling at inappropriate times. Watching these mom bashing ads didn’t help. I admit they were funny in the beginning, but then I started wondering if I am really annoying like the mothers in the ads.

Today, I decided, instead of calling my sons, I would text them to find out if it was a good time for them to talk.  Texts are easy in many ways. You don’t have to respond instantly and you don’t have to make the caller feel like you rejected their call. I sheepishly sent a text feeling a little bad about possibly being the mom on the ads inquiring if it was a good time, and just happened to mention that the ads had made me a little hesitant.

A few minutes later I received this beautiful message back from my son: “A busy time can be considered a bad time to talk to your mom because you want to give her more attention than you can at the moment, and that makes you feel bad.”  I was in awe! Wow! What a thoughtful message. I could not have felt better if he had time and could talk to me. I felt very loved and appreciated. I felt like a mom who has two wonderful sons who don’t think I’m annoying.

It’s fun to be a mom no matter how old and busy your children are!!


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Clear communication to save the day and relationships!!

It is so important to say what you mean and say it clearly so there is no confusion or chance for misinterpretation.  It is also very important to double-check when listening to someone to make sure you heard what you think you heard.

Many miscommunications and problems happen because we think we heard something which was never said, or we’re very sure we said something and the other person either did not hear

it or heard it completely differently than what we intended to say.

I know the importance of perception checking and I try to practice it as much as possible. I plan to make better communication an important part of my everyday lifestyle this year.  

I realize that sometimes it isn’t possible to have good communication with some people because they assume things before they even hear them and that is all they want to go by whether you said it or not.  Even when you try to be as nice and as clear as possible, your efforts are disregarded. They just want to fight. In those cases I am learning to just give them space to figure it out for themselves and remind myself that it is Not My Chaos. I can only do my job and try to do it well. Some relationships are not worth fighting for. It is okay to walk away from some relationships, at least temporarily.

If I can, I try to clarify any misunderstanding as soon as possible.   If my communication was not clear and was misunderstood, I try to look from the other person’s point of view and see how I could have been heard or perceived incorrectly.  I have no problem apologizing for being wrong or being unclear.

In this New Year, I am committed to enjoy new and existing relationships in business and in personal life and maintaining those relationships through mutual respect and clear communication.  If I need to end some relationships, I need to communicate that clearly as well.

Year 2015 has been great and exciting on many accounts! Looking forward to an even more wonderful and prosperous 2016!

Love and light to all!

Veera

*****

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